Jinn and Rum Don't Mix
by BlackJackSilver
Summary: Complete-Whereupon Jack's three days marooned and the origin of his hat are discussed. PG-13 for Jack's foul mouth.


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Disclaiming everything. Disney owns all. MIC See you in court! KEY Why? Cause you can't bleed a turnip. M-O-U-S-E

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Jinn and Rum Don't Mix -by BlackJackSilver

Jack finishes the last of the rum in a bottle and grabs another, which he uncorks with his teeth.

Poof!

Floating before him is a twenty foot tall entity, neither completely opaque nor completely transparent. Jack's best guess is, that it is made of dark blue smoke. Jack frowns slightly, grabs another bottle and uncorks it with his teeth.

"Oh good, rum this time."

"I AM ABDULLAH THE GENIE!"

"Look, there's no need to shout. I'm sittin right here."

"I wield powers over heaven and earth. I can shape past and future! I can make dreams reality! You, o Master Captain Sheik Sparrow, have released me from 4000 years of captivity. Now I am your humble servant. Command me, and I will grant your wishes three!"

"Don't want any wishes, mate. Don't need any bloody servants. No offense, but I'm on holiday. I'm in no mood fer company."

"O Master Captain Sheik Sparrow! How have I offended thee?"

"No no no, look I got nothin against ya- but you gotta look at it from my point of view, mate. This is my three day holiday, right? First one I've ever had. I don't have to do anything but swim and tan and drink rum for three days see? Now the next one, I'm here with a pretty girl, a governor's daughter, no less, and believe me, I'd appreciate it if you don't show up for that one."

"What is this rum?"

"Look, you been in a bottle for 4000 years. Now that's impressive even by pirate standards. I feel fer ya, but I don't have the time nor the inclination ta bring yer education up ta date. So if you'll kindly bugger off, I'll get on with me vacay. I know! Why doncha float out over that way! I'm fairly sure there's an even nicer island not a days time, at a good brisk float."

"Master Captain Sheik Sparrow, I am your humble servant. I want nothing more than to aid you by granting you three wishes. I do not understand why you are so reticent to avail your self of the help I can provide you."

"Don't need ya, mate. All I gotta do is stay right here and amuse myself, tan a bit, take a dip, eat a coconut, or, if I get really ambitious, have a seafood bake. Three days time, the rum runners, according to my contract, all very attractive extras with no speaking parts, show up to whisk me ten years inta the future- then, I think, I sail a leaky boat to Port Royal- somethin like that. I kinda skimmed that part of the script. Course, I'll keep me eye out for sea turtles too, just in case there's a last minute rewrite."

"Script? What is this script?"

"Oh bloody hell! Look I'll explain just this one thing, then you have to go figure everything else out on yer onesies- just like all the rest of us do. A script is what happens, mate. Everything is written down. You know what to do, when you have to do something. You know what to say, when you have to talk to somebody. You always know what's going to happen next."

"But you are a man for whom nothing is written! You can wish yourself off this island! Wish for wealth, for love, for happiness, for peace, for power! Be specific or general! I can grant any three of your heart's desires, for you are Master Captain Sheik Sparrow!"

"Yeah, you're a real Shakespearo too. As is, I'd prefer it if you'd take yer bloody soliloquies somewhere else mate, fore you ruin this film. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they cut this bit out of the movie altogether, just because you showed up. Lemme ask you something. You been cooped in a bloody bottle. Now yer free! Why d'ya wanna hang around here, where yer not wanted, and grant wishes fer a pirate, who doesn't even want yer help?

You are what those, in my profession, refer to, as too bloody good to be true. So, instead of just making yerself a nuisance, now, you have given me reason not ta trust ya, savvy? If yed just popped out yer bottle and buggered off, then we'd have been best mates. By the way, all that servant stuff is demeaning. Gives me the willies. Yer like a rotten fish, son. Ya don't improve the longer ya hang about."

"I am your slave in all things, but I cannot leave your side until I grant you wishes three. These are the laws of the universe, unbending even to my powers. If you want done with my company ask for your three wishes, o Master Captain Sheik Sparrow!"

"So let me get this straight, if I make just one wish, and for argument's sake, ask for you to leave, you can't grant that wish, cause you can't in fact leave, until I make two more wishes? Bloody hell, you need better writers, mate."

"Aaah, yes, o Master Captain Sheik Sparrow! You are wise indeed!" 

"Say I did, for argument's sake, really enjoy the hell out of your fine company, Abby. If I never asked you for any wishes, I'd have a friend fer life then, wouldn't I, Dullah, old mate?"

"Abdullah has had enough of you, you pathetic human sand fly! Ask three wishes now, and after, Abdullah might not crush you into a sticky pulp! But beware! If you task him further, you risk the wrath of Abdullah, ere he be your slave no more!"

"Now just you hold up, mate. First you pop out a bloody bottle that should have had a nice swig of rum in it for me. Then you offer me wishes that I don't want. Then you ask loads of stupid questions that I don't want to answer. You won't leave; then you can't leave. Now you order me around and threaten me?

Well, I'll tell you what, mate. It's a beautiful day, but a bit on the hot and sunny side, especially when I'm not sitting under a bit of shade. I've always wanted a hat. Being that I've got a flair for such things, I've designed the perfect hat for meself, but never had the chance to get it made. What I want, see, is a dashing tri-cornered hat made out of nice bit of tanned leather, not too big, not too small, just snug on my head, and not too soft, not too hard- just right."

"Ah! At last! My master is wishing for that hat that I can see in his mind?"

"No Abdullah, I am wishing for you to turn into that hat."

Poof!

Jack picks up his hat, tries it on his head, and smiles, "Always wanted a hat I couldn't lose." Jack sits against a palm tree, pulls the hat down over his eyes, and takes a nice long nap. 

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End file.
